Unknown

Its over. It's all over. I know it but they all dont seem to. I can feel them pushing me ahead, but I know there's nothing to go to.

I'm not odd pa. I'm just a child you never took time out to know or understand. I'm a child you never cared about. I'm what you made me to be. So dont dare complain, and dont dare call me odd.

Jobs In NigeriaJobs In Nigeria

This is not a directory. This is not an advertisement. This is me ranting! There're no jobs in Nigeria! No bloody jobs. No opportunities, we've limited ourselves. We dream but thats all we ever do dream. No means to achieve. Only the lucky and buttered ones get a chance to live. We only exist. I love my country still. No matter how bad things are. God bless Nigeria and God bless you too. Good luck finding that job. Good luck achieving that dream. God is able. :)

The Healing Process

Some wounds you can see, huge and ugly, leaving your flesh scared for life. Some wounds unseen, contained in the depth of your heart, hurting, well hidden. Its yours alone noone to bear it with you, no matter how hard you try to understand, no matter how hard you try to explain it, no body feels it. It becomes a part of you slowly eating away till your heart is black, scared and unhealable. No body can ever understand, nobody can ever take the pain away, you say its fine when it really isn't. Some wounds are better hidden, some just need a partner to share the pain with and take it away. Some pains never vanish. Your pain becomes your fear, your fear becomes your scar, your scar becomes you. Its safe to hide your fears, act like it doesnt exist, but its best to face your fears, break out of safety, then you'll be disappointed at how petite your fear really was. And how silly you had been. I cant face my fears. It has the best part of me. Maybe my fear just needs someone to take it away. But there's really nobody. I realize how alone I really am. And then i begin to doubt my worth. Am i really worth anything? I know if i die today i wont be missed. I have nothing to offer to the world, all i do is take from it, and then, i feel like a waste of space. So i'll drown in my tears, and pray the good lord has mercy on my soul, make my death brief, painless and soon. A little selfish i might be, but selfish to myself.

Jesse j's big white room. . . 'Me-ish'

Not sure if thats the title of the song, but thats all i hear her repeating over and over. :/
I just downloaded it a few minutes ago and am loving every bit of it. Its just what i need right now, its like i wrote the lyrics and i have this incredible attraction to Jesse J. She's just rugged. My kinda girl. The words in this song just sink deep. It goes like this, if you havent already heard it. . .






'Sitting in a big white room alone, turn my head back feel the tears fall down, close my eyes to see in the dark, i feel young, broken, so so scared, i dont wanna be here anymore, i wanna be somewhere else, wanna be normal and free like i used to be, but i have to stay in this big white room with lil old me'( not sure if i got those words right though. And it goes on) 'am going crazy, am loosing my mind, am going crazy in this big white room of mine'( she says this over then the audience screams. Its Like the song has ended. . . But Then she continues. . .)
'sitting in a big white room alone, close the door dont want the pain to come in, i clench my fist and try to stay strong, i cry, i feel sick, my heart beating bbbbbeating beating (i love this part) out of control. Can i run? Run faster than you, i wanna feel my body again, wanna feel the wind in my hair, But i have to stay in this big white room cus no one else cares. No no no no.. Am going crazy, am losing my mind, am going crazy, in this big white room of mine. (and she repeats) everybody's looking at me, everybody staring at me. What do i do now?. Smile. (question and answer. Lol). Am going crazy, am losing my mind, am going crazy in this big white room of mine.





Thats just what i needed, cus am actually going crazy, in my big not so white room. Wish i could go back to how i once was. To who i was once? But only a fool wastes time wishing for the past, i was a fool for a minute. But if only someone could care, if someone could really see through the smoke screen. Just one person is all i need. One person...

The Girl In The Black Dress: Twisted Deception #3

The Girl In The Black Dress: Twisted Deception #3

Huh. . . Am just so amazed. Technology is really amazing. I swear it is. This post is utterly useless. Am using this very tiny phone. But am doing so much with it.

Look at me now.

Facebook. Thats where it all started. Well I was on facebook. Pretty new. Bee was my classmate. Sat behind me in class. She was the little attention seeker. The loud girl. People said we looked alike but i didnt believe that because to me she was plain ugly and unpleasant. Back to where it all started. On facebook, bee was the only other person in my class that had an account. So we became friends online and also in class. I'll comment on her pictures and updates. It was fun while it lasted. Till i accepted a friend request from her friend. I knew him on facebook. I had seen him comment on her pictures. They seemed pretty close, as a friend, the next day in class i asked her about him. She said 'he's just my friend'. I asked him about her he said 'she's my friend. I like her but she's acting up, but i know she wants me.' so i made my conclusion. They liked eachother but she wouldn't tell me that for obvious reasons. So he became my good friend online. We'ld share jokes, share stories. It was fun. At first i wanted to tell her but then i thought about it and i clearly wasn't doing anything wrong. Deep inside i knew he liked me already cus he told me. But hey, they weren't dating. And she wasn't telling me anything relevant. It really wasn't a big deal at that time. Until some funny things started happening. . . This boy was not in Nigeria. But every time i got home from school, he'ld call me and tell me everything i did in school. Bee was spying on me and reportin to him. She knew something was going on but she never asked me. In school we were cool, we'ld take breaks together sometimes. We'ld joke and laugh. It was normal to an observer but we both knew something wasn't right. I wasn't going to tell her anything if she didn't ask. And she wasn't going to ask. Instead she chose to spy on me. She wasn't only spying. She told him alot of lies about me. At night, he'ld call me and tell me everything she said. She told him i was the dumbest girl in class, i was the ugliest and she said people called me kangaroo. i really didnt care cus he didnt believe her... And really, we were just friends. He'ld tell me alot of secrets. I'ld tell him mine. When i broke up with my boyfriend he was on the phone all night. Talking to me like a little sister. Thats what i was. His lil sister. But Bee didn't know that. She told people i stole his number from her phone. Which i obviously didnt. Everything i did in class she watched closely. I noticed so i started doing things to annoy her. I'ld write random love letters knowing she was reading it. Then she'll tell him and he'll tell me. It was funny. I was messing with her. But if only i had known how serious she was. Soon the whole school knew about it. She told them i was seducing her friend. I still acted ignorant. We'ld still talk, work together. Laugh. Share private jokes. Then I told him i was tired of everything. There was nothing to hide. So we decided to have a conversation on her wall. Which we did. It was so natural and funny. We both thought that way she'ld know we were just friends. But not Bee. He called me the next day and told me she said i was hitting on him. Well people , i flipped. That was it!! I went to class the next morning and asked her why she said what she said. But she acted like she didnt know what i was talkin about. So we stopped talking. She still sat behind me in class and she still spyed. Several times i asked her if she wanted to ask me anything. She said no.