Unknown

Its over. It's all over. I know it but they all dont seem to. I can feel them pushing me ahead, but I know there's nothing to go to.

I'm not odd pa. I'm just a child you never took time out to know or understand. I'm a child you never cared about. I'm what you made me to be. So dont dare complain, and dont dare call me odd.

Jobs In NigeriaJobs In Nigeria

This is not a directory. This is not an advertisement. This is me ranting! There're no jobs in Nigeria! No bloody jobs. No opportunities, we've limited ourselves. We dream but thats all we ever do dream. No means to achieve. Only the lucky and buttered ones get a chance to live. We only exist. I love my country still. No matter how bad things are. God bless Nigeria and God bless you too. Good luck finding that job. Good luck achieving that dream. God is able. :)

The Healing Process

Some wounds you can see, huge and ugly, leaving your flesh scared for life. Some wounds unseen, contained in the depth of your heart, hurting, well hidden. Its yours alone noone to bear it with you, no matter how hard you try to understand, no matter how hard you try to explain it, no body feels it. It becomes a part of you slowly eating away till your heart is black, scared and unhealable. No body can ever understand, nobody can ever take the pain away, you say its fine when it really isn't. Some wounds are better hidden, some just need a partner to share the pain with and take it away. Some pains never vanish. Your pain becomes your fear, your fear becomes your scar, your scar becomes you. Its safe to hide your fears, act like it doesnt exist, but its best to face your fears, break out of safety, then you'll be disappointed at how petite your fear really was. And how silly you had been. I cant face my fears. It has the best part of me. Maybe my fear just needs someone to take it away. But there's really nobody. I realize how alone I really am. And then i begin to doubt my worth. Am i really worth anything? I know if i die today i wont be missed. I have nothing to offer to the world, all i do is take from it, and then, i feel like a waste of space. So i'll drown in my tears, and pray the good lord has mercy on my soul, make my death brief, painless and soon. A little selfish i might be, but selfish to myself.

Jesse j's big white room. . . 'Me-ish'

Not sure if thats the title of the song, but thats all i hear her repeating over and over. :/
I just downloaded it a few minutes ago and am loving every bit of it. Its just what i need right now, its like i wrote the lyrics and i have this incredible attraction to Jesse J. She's just rugged. My kinda girl. The words in this song just sink deep. It goes like this, if you havent already heard it. . .






'Sitting in a big white room alone, turn my head back feel the tears fall down, close my eyes to see in the dark, i feel young, broken, so so scared, i dont wanna be here anymore, i wanna be somewhere else, wanna be normal and free like i used to be, but i have to stay in this big white room with lil old me'( not sure if i got those words right though. And it goes on) 'am going crazy, am loosing my mind, am going crazy in this big white room of mine'( she says this over then the audience screams. Its Like the song has ended. . . But Then she continues. . .)
'sitting in a big white room alone, close the door dont want the pain to come in, i clench my fist and try to stay strong, i cry, i feel sick, my heart beating bbbbbeating beating (i love this part) out of control. Can i run? Run faster than you, i wanna feel my body again, wanna feel the wind in my hair, But i have to stay in this big white room cus no one else cares. No no no no.. Am going crazy, am losing my mind, am going crazy, in this big white room of mine. (and she repeats) everybody's looking at me, everybody staring at me. What do i do now?. Smile. (question and answer. Lol). Am going crazy, am losing my mind, am going crazy in this big white room of mine.





Thats just what i needed, cus am actually going crazy, in my big not so white room. Wish i could go back to how i once was. To who i was once? But only a fool wastes time wishing for the past, i was a fool for a minute. But if only someone could care, if someone could really see through the smoke screen. Just one person is all i need. One person...

The Girl In The Black Dress: Twisted Deception #3

The Girl In The Black Dress: Twisted Deception #3

Huh. . . Am just so amazed. Technology is really amazing. I swear it is. This post is utterly useless. Am using this very tiny phone. But am doing so much with it.

Look at me now.

Facebook. Thats where it all started. Well I was on facebook. Pretty new. Bee was my classmate. Sat behind me in class. She was the little attention seeker. The loud girl. People said we looked alike but i didnt believe that because to me she was plain ugly and unpleasant. Back to where it all started. On facebook, bee was the only other person in my class that had an account. So we became friends online and also in class. I'll comment on her pictures and updates. It was fun while it lasted. Till i accepted a friend request from her friend. I knew him on facebook. I had seen him comment on her pictures. They seemed pretty close, as a friend, the next day in class i asked her about him. She said 'he's just my friend'. I asked him about her he said 'she's my friend. I like her but she's acting up, but i know she wants me.' so i made my conclusion. They liked eachother but she wouldn't tell me that for obvious reasons. So he became my good friend online. We'ld share jokes, share stories. It was fun. At first i wanted to tell her but then i thought about it and i clearly wasn't doing anything wrong. Deep inside i knew he liked me already cus he told me. But hey, they weren't dating. And she wasn't telling me anything relevant. It really wasn't a big deal at that time. Until some funny things started happening. . . This boy was not in Nigeria. But every time i got home from school, he'ld call me and tell me everything i did in school. Bee was spying on me and reportin to him. She knew something was going on but she never asked me. In school we were cool, we'ld take breaks together sometimes. We'ld joke and laugh. It was normal to an observer but we both knew something wasn't right. I wasn't going to tell her anything if she didn't ask. And she wasn't going to ask. Instead she chose to spy on me. She wasn't only spying. She told him alot of lies about me. At night, he'ld call me and tell me everything she said. She told him i was the dumbest girl in class, i was the ugliest and she said people called me kangaroo. i really didnt care cus he didnt believe her... And really, we were just friends. He'ld tell me alot of secrets. I'ld tell him mine. When i broke up with my boyfriend he was on the phone all night. Talking to me like a little sister. Thats what i was. His lil sister. But Bee didn't know that. She told people i stole his number from her phone. Which i obviously didnt. Everything i did in class she watched closely. I noticed so i started doing things to annoy her. I'ld write random love letters knowing she was reading it. Then she'll tell him and he'll tell me. It was funny. I was messing with her. But if only i had known how serious she was. Soon the whole school knew about it. She told them i was seducing her friend. I still acted ignorant. We'ld still talk, work together. Laugh. Share private jokes. Then I told him i was tired of everything. There was nothing to hide. So we decided to have a conversation on her wall. Which we did. It was so natural and funny. We both thought that way she'ld know we were just friends. But not Bee. He called me the next day and told me she said i was hitting on him. Well people , i flipped. That was it!! I went to class the next morning and asked her why she said what she said. But she acted like she didnt know what i was talkin about. So we stopped talking. She still sat behind me in class and she still spyed. Several times i asked her if she wanted to ask me anything. She said no.

Who's the most overrated musician?

Ke$ha

Ask me anything

If you could only watch one TV show what would it be?

Saturday nite live

Ask me anything

What quality do you value most in your friends?

Patience, intelligence, humility.

Ask me anything

Strict cookie.

Most people believe i dont believe in love. Well thats just so wrong. I do but i like pretending i dont. Why? Because 'cool people dont fall in love'. That doesn't actually mean i actually have. I don't think i've felt any of those things they describe in books. I'ld really love to love though. I think its going to be hard cus HE exists only in my head.
1. He has to be beautiful. I dont want ugly kids. My dna mustn't be messed up.
2. He has to be rich. Yes. Rich. I dont want to spend all the days of my life hustling. Then i'ld grow up fast. Hell no!
3. He has to be patient. My attitude kinda stinks so he has to be air freshner x_x. In order words am hard to deal with. So he has to be patient.
4. He has to be smart. Thats just an automatic must. No reasons needed.
5. Ugly cars. I love those and so must he. If a cars ugly we must have it!
6. He must be able to sing. No frog voice and i said sing not rap. So when am going to sleep, he can sing to me. I'll laugh. But dont think its cus of your voice.
7. He must be quiet. Am quite and i dont want to be with someone that'll need to be stuffed in the mouth with tissue before keeping quiet. I hate talking so we'll just love eachother in total silence.
8. He must not like food too much. If he eats like a monkey i'ld probably stab him one day. So no too much food.
9. Must be a good kisser. Kiss me outta my senses. I dont want to have to brush my teeth and scrub my tongue.
10. Must be extremely neat. Else i wont share your t-shirts and boxers with you.
11. He must be funny and laugh at all my jokes. Even the senseless ones, the dry ones. Just laugh like you're going to die so that i can call you a fool and you mustn't get angry.
12. He must have a piercing only me can see. ;)
13. He must have NO tattoos. Thats dirty.
14. He must be able to cook. Am pretty lazy so we'll make a timetable. :D
15. He must respect me and always have my back even when am wrong.
16. Am a sucker for dimples.
17. He must have a killer smile like lunga shabalala. And shouldn't laugh like an hyena in public and make everybody stare i'll just excuse my self forever.
18. He must be a flirt around other ladies, lead them on but always come back to me.
19. Not a sex freak. Just once in a while.
20. Rock. If he doesn't like rock then he doesn't like me.
21. Dont tell me am beautiful all the time, i'll stop believing you.
22. He must always tell me my paintings and drawings are awesome even if its ugly.
I think thats all for now. If you think you're him buzz me. :)

Bored.

My first blog, i really dont know how this works though. But its looking like fun already. :)

Boredom part 2

Thats what am called these days, Rachel the slut, i really dont care what they call me. I really dont care what they think about me.
Am siting here on this chair in my living room. Facing a panel. I was seated opposite my uncle-in-law, my Mother, my Uncle. And there also sat my Michel, my husband. I looked him over from head to toe. In his stifly ironed shirt, looking ridiculous as always. I wondered what made me marry someone like him in the first place. If i had a knife, i'ld stab him without flinching. He looked like a hurt puppy. Really annoying. I couldn't even stand to look at him. He was here, the hurt, betrayed husband. I looked away disgusted. Seated to his far right was Mark. Michel's bestfriend. The reason why i was here in this room . . . .