The Healing Process

Some wounds you can see, huge and ugly, leaving your flesh scared for life. Some wounds unseen, contained in the depth of your heart, hurting, well hidden. Its yours alone noone to bear it with you, no matter how hard you try to understand, no matter how hard you try to explain it, no body feels it. It becomes a part of you slowly eating away till your heart is black, scared and unhealable. No body can ever understand, nobody can ever take the pain away, you say its fine when it really isn't. Some wounds are better hidden, some just need a partner to share the pain with and take it away. Some pains never vanish. Your pain becomes your fear, your fear becomes your scar, your scar becomes you. Its safe to hide your fears, act like it doesnt exist, but its best to face your fears, break out of safety, then you'll be disappointed at how petite your fear really was. And how silly you had been. I cant face my fears. It has the best part of me. Maybe my fear just needs someone to take it away. But there's really nobody. I realize how alone I really am. And then i begin to doubt my worth. Am i really worth anything? I know if i die today i wont be missed. I have nothing to offer to the world, all i do is take from it, and then, i feel like a waste of space. So i'll drown in my tears, and pray the good lord has mercy on my soul, make my death brief, painless and soon. A little selfish i might be, but selfish to myself.

Jesse j's big white room. . . 'Me-ish'

Not sure if thats the title of the song, but thats all i hear her repeating over and over. :/
I just downloaded it a few minutes ago and am loving every bit of it. Its just what i need right now, its like i wrote the lyrics and i have this incredible attraction to Jesse J. She's just rugged. My kinda girl. The words in this song just sink deep. It goes like this, if you havent already heard it. . .






'Sitting in a big white room alone, turn my head back feel the tears fall down, close my eyes to see in the dark, i feel young, broken, so so scared, i dont wanna be here anymore, i wanna be somewhere else, wanna be normal and free like i used to be, but i have to stay in this big white room with lil old me'( not sure if i got those words right though. And it goes on) 'am going crazy, am loosing my mind, am going crazy in this big white room of mine'( she says this over then the audience screams. Its Like the song has ended. . . But Then she continues. . .)
'sitting in a big white room alone, close the door dont want the pain to come in, i clench my fist and try to stay strong, i cry, i feel sick, my heart beating bbbbbeating beating (i love this part) out of control. Can i run? Run faster than you, i wanna feel my body again, wanna feel the wind in my hair, But i have to stay in this big white room cus no one else cares. No no no no.. Am going crazy, am losing my mind, am going crazy, in this big white room of mine. (and she repeats) everybody's looking at me, everybody staring at me. What do i do now?. Smile. (question and answer. Lol). Am going crazy, am losing my mind, am going crazy in this big white room of mine.





Thats just what i needed, cus am actually going crazy, in my big not so white room. Wish i could go back to how i once was. To who i was once? But only a fool wastes time wishing for the past, i was a fool for a minute. But if only someone could care, if someone could really see through the smoke screen. Just one person is all i need. One person...